When I found out about it, going to it became my mission. Nay, my obsession. I went to three high school proms (and countless other school dances). I LOVED THEM. Jason didn't go to a single one. Oh no, thought I, this cannot be. I must be the one to make him endure a formal dance.
And how bad can it be for the guys? They'll be surrounded by beer and tipsy, well-dressed women.
So I wheedled. I brought it up incessantly. I begged. I may even have whined. Whatever, it worked. Jason bought our tickets. I splurged $200 on a dress. I took the day after off from work.
That's right, HIM. -------------------->
(Please feel free to shake your fingers in a scolding manner at this time...
...OK, done?)
So we can't go. I returned the dress on Saturday. I loved that dress. It looked good in all the right places and covered up all the bad places. It was two sizes smaller than I thought I needed. It dipped so low in the back that I was contemplating double-sided tape to keep my buttcrack under wraps (you're welcome). It was a gorgeous deep purple, like an eggplant--a color I never would have dared to wear in high school. And, holy boobs, Batman (Batman is also to blame for the blurry picture). It was, dare I say it... SEXY for a big girl-sized dress. My desire to avoid any unfortunate back fat spillage even prompted me to start eating healthier--and I dropped three pounds, just like that.
Alas. Woe is me.

(I hear you laughing. Stop it.)
A GIRL CAN HOPE.
Perhaps this one. It's a size 4.
(OK, I know. I'm laughing with you this time. I would have to wire my jaw shut to fit into that.)
But I would promise to leave the awful ex-boyfriend at home if I ever got to wear it again.
I have significantly better taste in men these days. See the above one in uniform.
And this time, feel free to cyber-pat him on the back for being a good sport and trying to take me to the Ball in the first place.