Back in the Navy, Day 6

When I woke up this morning, my head was in a fog and I could not kick my overwhelming sense of drowsiness. Two vanilla lattés seem to have done the trick. The only good thing about wasting the day away is that I can let it happen without feeling like I'm neglecting anyone. The cats sleep all afternoon anyway, and Jason's not here to notice if my only activity all day is trudging between the couch, bed, and kitchen.

Now that Jason is gone, I can do all sorts of things that I wouldn't do if he were here. For example:

• Not flush the toilet when it's just a #1 (to conserve water). I know I am not the only person who does this!


• Stay in my pajamas all day.


• Allow the time between showers to extend into the 2-3 day zone--it doesn't matter if I smell because it's not offending anyone. And honestly, I'm so congested right now that I can't tell if I smell, so I'm not letting it happen on purpose. I showered yesterday afternoon though, so I'm probably still good.


• Wear the same outfit I've been wearing all week when (and if) I get dressed.


• Play the Wii Fit in my underwear. Not that this has happened--yet. Right now staying upright is enough of a challenge.


• Eat combinations of foods that he wouldn't consider a meal. Last night I made a package of stuffing for dinner, and the leftovers of that are all I've eaten so far today. At some point I will run out of food and be forced to go buy some healthy, normal foods, but until then I am content to clean out the cupboards.


• Stay up late watching trashy TV and surfing Youtube.


• Let the dirty dishes pile up in the sink before I swap them with the clean ones in the dishwasher.


• Leave the clean laundry sitting in the baskets while the dirty clothes pile up on the floor.


• Let my hair go unbrushed all day.


• Give his belongings away on Freecycle (good thing he took the video games with him).

Oh, wait. I do those things when Jason's here, too. But not to the extent that I do them when he's gone.

He arrived at Great Lakes late Wednesday night and called me around 2 AM to let me know he was safe. I was still up, of course. He told me with glee that he passed the "now leaving Massachusetts" sign with birds flying high--exactly what I plan to do when I finally get out of here. I asked him if he felt a twinge of regret that he'll never live here again, and the answer was emphatically no. In fact, I think his exact words were "Oh HELL no."

Despite that, the past few days were rough for him. It must have been a huge shock to his senses to be so suddenly immersed back into the military life after two years of being a civilian. During one of our many phone calls he told me in a wistful tone of voice that he misses being home with me, just passing the time together--instead he's all alone in a cinderblock room. I have the easy side of this, weathering the time apart in our cushy apartment with three cats whose primary goal is to be cuddled at all times.

He's high-ranking enough to have his own barracks room (with a chair and a desk that are serving as video game central) and gets three free galley meals a day. Next week he'll start classes on things he has to requalify for, like shooting all sorts of weapons and putting out fires. He'll also be issued a new set of uniforms.

I think that his "what am I doing here" feeling will fade once he gets back into a uniform. It's probably hard to feel like you're doing something important when you have no choice but to wear military-issue sweatpants wherever you go--he can't wear civilian clothes outside of his room and the only "uniform" he has is the t-shirt and pants they gave him for PT. He feels like a tool showing up to the various offices to do paperwork dressed like a sloppy little boy. I guess looking the part goes a long way in feeling the part.

Once we're back about the business of making our lives together as a Navy family it will be like we were never apart and he never got out. Until then, we adjust, adjust, adjust.