Remember how I was complaining that I never get to see my husband? Of course you do. Well, he finally came home Sunday night, and I met him at the door with pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. He had one after dinner and promptly went to bed.
Yesterday morning he woke up feeling sick to his stomach. He went to work anyway, but called soon after he got there to tell me that he was coming home soon and that I had better not eat any more cookies because he was throwing up all over the place, and it had to be because of the cookies because it was orange. I told him that I had eaten five cookies to his one, and that I was just fine, so I was sure it wasn't the cookies. He said that he was sure that it WAS the cookies because his puke was ORANGE, and why else would he be puking ORANGE if it weren't the cookies. That's right: MY HUSBAND ACCUSED ME OF POISONING HIM WITH MY COOKIES. Never mind that he had also eaten candy and pizza that would have made his outpourings orange-tinted, it HAD to have been my pumpkin cookies. Meanwhile, I kept eating the tainted cookies and the rest of the pizza, and I've been fine the whole time.
When he came home that afternoon I was cleaning up cat puke (which, ironically, was also orange), signing for a UPS delivery, and participating in a conference call--ALL AT THE SAME TIME. He said something about "those motherfuckers" loud enough for everyone on the phone to hear, then took his sailor mouth and settled into bed with a bucket into which he would dry heave every so often. I didn't hear a peep out of him until that evening.
I think I've convinced him that it wasn't my cookies, and rather the flu, because he called out sick this morning and I haven't fed him anything since Sunday night. Also because it is OBVIOUSLY the flu.
So, while he's been recovering from my POISON, I've been enjoying it. I have three more cans of pumpkin, so I plan to make more poisonous food soon. A vegan pumpkin cheesecake, perhaps? Muffins? THE POISONOUS PUMPKIN COULD BE LURKING ANYWHERE.
The details: I veganized this recipe--just use Ener-G egg replacer and non-dairy butter... simple! As Molly commented, they are very cake-like. As such, they taste best warm! I am eating one right now, and if it were a tad later, I would be having a mug of hot cider and rum with it.
P.S. Wouldn't you like to marry a sailor, too?