filling up the meaningless moments

Jason is on call this weekend, and got pulled out of bed at the crack of dawn to go to New York. As a result, I've been feeling rather aimless today. I've worked on organizing and paring down my CD collection; baked vegan banana muffins; posted some items on Freecycle; unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher; washed some dishes by hand; cleaned the kitty water fountain; washed, dried, and put away a load of laundry and put away two already clean loads; put clean sheets on our bed; and called my grandparents. (Is that string of comma and semicolon punctuation correct?)

I would share the muffin recipe, but I can't--I modified a banana bread recipe and didn't keep track of my changes. You'll just have to take my word for it that they are delicious.

Despite doing all of those things, I have a restless sense of ennui that always seems to show up when Jason is gone. I have so many things to do, but no sense of direction. I think this is because my world revolves around him and so much of my time is spent making sure his every need is met. When he's home, I tailor my day around him. When he's gone, my actions seem like they mean very little. I guess that is what it's like to be a mother--except I'm feeling like I have an empty nest before I've even reproduced.

I'm going to need to relearn how to get into my own groove. It'll be invaluable when Jason's off doing his Navy thing in, oh about a week and a half.