Tuesday, December 30, 2008

the worst Christmas present I ever got

I already told you about the best Christmas present I ever got. Now I want to show you the worst, which I opened (read: pulled out of a plastic shopping bag) upon my return from Michigan. And I really do think that it is the worst--the all time worst. Thank goodness I didn't open it in front of the family-in-law at their Christmas, because my first reaction was a loud, incredulous "What the hell is this?" And my exclamation may have been slightly more strongly-worded.

So, what the hell is it? It is a felt Darth Vader stocking that was obviously cut and glued by hand, but not in a good way--in a very sloppy fashion, probably by some 12-year-old in Malaysia. Actually, I am wrong--but only partly wrong. The tag inside it says "Hand-Crafted in China."

If I were a little boy, this would be a perfectly appropriate present. I could put my little cars and action figures in it and carry them around. When it got dirty or the bottom ripped out, no one would mind. However, I am a 26-year-old married woman. And there is no way in hell that I am putting my favorite toys in there.

Yes, I admit it. I like Star Wars. I like the movies. I am interested in books about how George Lucas assembled his imaginary universe, and I have a few. I have a crush on Han Solo. I may even own Luke Skywalker and Han Solo Barbie-esque dolls. But this does not mean that I want t-shirts from the little boys' section of Wal-Mart that I will never be able to wear (because they won't stretch over my boobs). It does not mean that I want coffee mug sets that only vaguely resemble anything Star Wars-related. And it does not mean that I want tacky Christmas decorations. I don't want stupid, ugly shit. It's as simple as that.


Almost as if to make up for that present fail, I also had some good presents waiting for me (that I ordered for myself, thank you very much): the Face the Music and Merry, Merry Christmas albums by New Kids on the Block. I am enjoying them greatly. Now that I have all of their albums, I can start acquiring the guys' solo albums. I am SO starting with Jordan.

As for the stocking, well, it'll make a great container in which to haul the dirty kitty litter to the dumpster...

(I am a horrible person.)

...No, I'm not actually going to put cat shit in it. But I am going to trash it, unless anyone on the internet has a better idea.

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